Youkoso Jitsuryoku Shijou Shugi no Kyoushitsu e

Volume 7.5, Chapter 1: Intro - The Arrow of Love.

The 23rd of December. Clear skies. Waking up in the morning was extremely pleasant. It was almost unbelievably refreshing, and even though I had just gotten up. I was wrapped up in comfort and it felt as though I were still in a dream.

It was the first change that occurred to me. So, what changed? If people ask me that, I would resolutely answer 'No'. But, it's not like nothing's changed. The truth is, there had been a change. A dramatic change. I, Karuizawa Kei, no longer have a horrible past chaining me down.

To be more precise, it's not quite that. I have gained a power that won't lose to the past chaining me down. That is, yesterday, the events of the closing ceremony that ended the second semester. I was called out by Ryuuen and the others, and received acts of bullying. It sounds lame when I put it to words like this but it is a fact that it happened. I hit rock bottom.

At this school I ran away to seeking salvation, I thought I would once again be dropped down into hell. And then, I heard various things. And amongst those, the shocking one was, that Manabe and the others who bullied me were in fact guided by Kiyotaka. At first I despaired, and even anger came out. But.....in the end I was saved.

By the hands of Kiyotaka. The ones waiting for me as I safely descended from the rooftop were the former student council president and Chabashira-sensei. It wasn't like they had anything to say to me, it was just their concern so that the eyes of unrelated people would not fall on me. Honesty, without their care, I doubt I would have safely made it back to the dormitory.

The only thing they told me was that those two were acting based on Kiyotaka's instructions. I think it's because they realized it was the only way to calm me down. Those events on the rooftop. The seeds that the me who was bullied by Manabe and the others had planted. If I had the power to shake off my past, I would have been more resolute then. It would have ended without what happened back in middle school being found out.......no, that's not it. Basically, I was in the wrong. To act tough, I continued to take on an arrogant attitude.

Towards that, even if Manabe and the others feel displeasure it couldn't be helped. It was a method I chose to avoid bullying. And the demerits of that.

"Fuu.......".

A sigh like that came out. But it's not a bad sigh at all. How should I put it? It was a sigh filled with emotion, no. I can't really put it into words well.

There's only one thing I'm certain about. That is, even when I'm asleep, even when I'm awake. Inside my thoughts, Kiyotaka is always there.

Ever since yesterday, it was burned into my mind and I couldn't part from it.

"...more like, mou, how should I put it, this is foul play.......".

Even though my body temperature should be normal, for some reason, my body became hot. To suppress the amount of heat in my body, I closed my eyes. Ayanokouji Kiyotaka. 1st year Class D. At first I didn't even think anything of him. Just a classmate without a shadow. Sometimes the topic of him being cool did arise, but I was never interested. And besides, those classmates soon forgot about Kiyotaka.

In our modern world, communication skills are a large factor in one's popularity. That is something that is fundamentally lacking in Kiyotaka. No matter how good he is at sports, if it's not accompanied by other elements, the degree of his popularity will not extend any further. That's why with Yousuke-kun in the lead too, Class A's Tsukasaki-kun and Class B's Shibata-kun are more popular by an order of magnitude.

But the real Kiyotaka is not bad at socializing, he's really smart, he's very mature, he's very rational, he's also good at sports to the point he won't lose even to the senior students, and also, he's strong to the point it's almost unbelievable.....there are also ruthless and cruel parts to him, but......even so, in the end, he'll save me.

"Haa.......!?".

Could it be, I, before I knew it, about Kiyotaka---

"No, no, no, no. No way, no way!".

Holding my face which had become red, I shake my head intensely left and right. As my face became red, I panicked......I'm almost like a maiden in love.

It's not like I'm denying romance. I'm also a girl who wants to properly fall in love too. But, how should I put it, there's a part of me that cannot admit that I'm looking at Kiyotaka with those eyes.

"That's right. It obviously can't be the case. It's because of him that I experienced terrible things.......".

On the contrary, I'd like him to thank me for not holding a grudge against him. On top of that, to steal my heart away too, I cannot forgive such indulgency.

Standing in front of the mirror, I combed my hair which had become frizzled after waking up.

"But, I'm also too much of a good person, aren't I?".

Even if they happened to bear the fault, I wonder if an ordinary person would forgive Kiyotaka for what he did? Probably impossible. It's obvious that it'd be impossible. On the contrary, they would probably hold a grudge against him. It's only because it happened to be a deeply generous person like me that he was forgiven. Just be satisfied with that, Kiyotaka. Speaking out loud like that in my head, I shook off those wrongful delusions.

It's just, I cannot breach the subject of having forgiven him already in front of Kiyotaka.

On the contrary, I wonder if I should go bother him a bit. Pretending to be angry at him a bit for having been manipulated sounds good, after all. And also probably, the next time I see Kiyotaka's face, true anger might actually emerge too.

As I was mulling over that, a chat arrived on my phone.

"Today at 11 o'clock, thanks in advance Karuizawa-san".

"Ahh, I see. There was that".

It was a contact from my classmate, Satou Maya-san. Before tomorrow, the 24th, as a notice today, I received a contact from Satou-san telling me she wanted to meet me as she had something to consult me about.

Normally, because I got along with a different group from that of Satou-san, our exchanges were by no means, deep.

Of course, as classmates, we do get along fairly well, but it's the first time I've been called out like this to meet with her.

"But even so, I sure am healthy".

Yesterday, underneath the cold sky, from the top of my head I had countless buckets of water dumped on me and even though such a horrible thing happened, I'm still perfectly healthy to the point I'd like to praise myself for it.

Naturally, after being chilled down to my core I took a bath to warm myself up, but a normal girl probably would've caught a cold and even if they slept for three days straight it wouldn't be strange.

"It's because I'm too used to such treatment.....just kidding".

I realized that sort of masochistic talk smoothly come out. The 'me' up until yesterday. That is, the 'me' that had thought she had changed but in fact had not changed at all.

I was always terrified of being bullied, always cowering. Deep inside my heart, a darkness had always been spreading out. But now, I can say it clearly. I wonder if I was able to change even a slight bit. Taking off my pajamas, and now in my underwear. At that moment, the scars carved into my white body inevitably came into sight. Even if I didn't want that, I would end up seeing it. Every day, I confronted these scars, my feelings sank and I started to want to die. But, I never minded them as much as I did yesterday.

Even though I hated that scar that much, regretted that much and felt that much sadness. In just one day, I can't even believe I would change this much.

"But even so, I can't show this to a boy..........".

If they happened to see such a scar, the opposite sex would end up drawing away. The body of a girl is supposed to be soft and fluffy and beautiful.....This would end up crushing that illusion.

I'm sure even a hundred years worth of love would cool off. No, I had no intention of showing it to anyone else though.....I stored it away in my heart like that. It's just.....I might have not shown it on my expression.....but, Kiyotaka was different.

Even though he saw this scar of mine, he never even once spoke his disgust. Is it just that he didn't say it? Or was it just because it was dark on board the ship? Or just lying? Did he think deep inside that it was disgusting? Or could it be he really did not think it was disgusting at all? Affirmations and repudiations repeat inside my head. But there was no way an answer could be found for that. Just repeating my soliloquy, I realized something important.

"Speaking of which that guy, he touched my body with his hands didn't he?".

Back then, I didn't have time to think, but isn't this a splendidly unbelievable thing? He touched my thighs, my uniform was almost taken off.....I was treated like a germ or a pest by the girls, and I was not protected by the boys either. The whole class, the whole school year, did not even see me as a human, much less see me as a girl. Even though I've never even properly held hands with a boy before, what the hell has he done to me I wonder.

"Really, mou, mou, mou! I'm thinking about it again! I'm such an idiot!".

Once again, let's put a lid on the matter of Kiyotaka and seal it away. I'll do that. That was just an accident so I have to forget about it. I passed my hands through the cloth and smoothly proceeded with changing.

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