"I WAITED at the apartment for him to return. I couldn’t just leave. I wanted to talk to him once more. Beg him to change his mind. But maybe he knew that I would wait there, so, by evening he still hadn’t return. I had to go. Because I was worried that he would spend his night outside. Your Uncle Yue, you know, he doesn’t sleep well when he’s in an unfamiliar environment. So, I left, thinking that I could still talk to him the next morning. But who knew that I wouldn’t have that chance at all."
Shen Yi Mu took a deep breath after he told all that. The pain that he felt that day assaulted him once again. His chest tightened and his breath became hurried. He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. If he immersed himself in that pain, he probably wouldn’t be able to continue to tell his story.
"When I went to Ah Yue’s apartment the next day, I found out that he terminated his lease. The landlady of his apartment said that after he terminated the lease the previous night, he packed up his bag and left. He didn’t even pack the other stuffs in his apartment. I didn’t know how I reacted after that. I just remembered buying the apartment. Because I couldn’t bear other people living there.
"I tried to call him but found out that his number was no longer in service. I was already panicking at that point. In fact, that day was too hazy for me. I probably just moved according to my instinct," he said bitterly. "Then I went to the university after that, hoping that he would be there. But to my disappointment, I was told that he had already resigned a few days back."
Which meant that he had been planning to leave even before the two of them had that talk.
"After that, I couldn’t find any traces of him. As if he just vanished. Of course, there’s no way that I could just accept that. So, I hired a private investigator to find out Ah Yue’s movements for the past week."
Because deep inside, Shen Yi Mu still couldn’t accept that Jiang Yue would leave him just like that. That whatever dissatisfaction he had with their relationship could be solved as long as they had a proper talk. Surely, that decade long relationship they had meant something.
"But surprisingly enough, the investigator didn’t find anything. Before that day when Ah Yue asked that we break- anyway, before that day, he did nothing that was out of his usual routine. I actually suspected that my family had something to do with how he easily vanished like that. So, I confronted my eldest brother about it. Because if our father did something to Ah Yue, then there was no way that my eldest brother wouldn’t know about it."
He couldn’t remember the things he said, or rather shouted, to his eldest brother during that confrontation. He just remembered how much he seemed like a crazy person at that moment. And maybe he was. Because he was literally going crazy looking for Jiang Yue. Just thinking that his family had something to do with it just pushed him to the limit of what his brain could handle.
He no longer cared if his brother found out about his relationship with Jiang Yue. He just wanted to know if he and their father had something to do on why the other suddenly disappeared. If they were connected to Jiang Yue’s disappearance, then it wouldn’t matter even if he told his brother about it. Because he already knew about it in the first place.
Hid eldest brother told him he had no idea what he was talking about. Of course, how could Shen Yi Mu believe him that easily. So, he continued to rage at him like some kind of lunatic. He probably only managed to calm down when his brother slapped the hell out of him. It almost felt like his brain returned to its proper place because of that slap.
His brother told him that his father had no idea about whatever relationship he had with Jiang Yue. He also didn’t know about it. He even warned him not to go to their father acting the same crazy way he did with him. He also added that he wouldn’t tell their father what happened and about his ’dereliction’. And since the guy he’s fascinated with already left him, it’s better to just let it be and return to being a ’normal’ person.
Because Shen Yi Mu’s IQ was already back online, he quickly noticed that his brother was not lying to him. It was easy for him to read the other’s emotion ever since they were kids. So, he knew that his brother was telling the truth. Even, on the off-chance, that he was lying, he couldn’t just fake his reaction. The way he first thought of what their father would feel after finding out that one of his sons had a relationship with the same gender was very like him.
After that confrontation, he simply lost all the willpower within him. Because if his family had nothing to do with why Jiang Yue suddenly decided to break up with him, then he left him on his own volition. That was probably more painful.
He’d rather have someone to blame for what happened than accepting the fact that Jiang Yue truly no longer wanted to be with him.
"But it turned out that Dad or even Brother had something to do with it. Ah Yue simply left because he was indeed no longer happy. He probably thought that I wouldn’t stop running after him if he stayed in this city. So, he simply disappeared from my life. Totally cutting-off all our connections."
And he did, he hired dozens of people to look for him for a year. But to no avail, he still didn’t find him. Then he realized that he probably wouldn’t be able to find him as long as the other didn’t want to be found. So, he decided to just give Jiang Yue the freedom that he wanted.
He stopped looking. But his heart still couldn’t let go. Even until now, seven years since he disappeared, he was still the only one who could enter his heart.
"A decade long relationship ended like that. With one person being unhappy and the other unable to notice that there was already something wrong with the relationship. We spent those ten years hiding our relationship from friends and families. We weren’t able to withstand the pressure of society. So, we hid the relationship as if what we’re doing was wrong. As if our love was wrong. Until one person became tired and unhappy."
Shen Yi Mu raised his head and looked at his nephew.
"Now, knowing about my own experience, are you still willing to go ahead on this path? Are you willing to pull Xiao Yan with you?"
And he waited for his nephew’s answer.
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