Vaudevillain

Dylan groaned as he finally stretched his legs. The flight had only taken a few hours, but time always seemed to be an illusion when it came to airplanes. Not to mention he felt like the luggage he’d stowed away in the carryon compartment. The cramped journey couldn't have been over quickly enough.

“Alright, let’s find everyone,” he said to himself.

He grabbed his suitcase, pulling the handle up as he walked toward the baggage claim area. The walls of the airport looked back cheerfully, their advertisements selling anything from medical services to tourist traps. Restaurants dotted the sides, their overpriced fare pulling customers by necessity, not choice.

Eventually, Dylan made his way out of the halls and up flight of stairs toward the baggage claim. He grabbed his phone as he reached the top, checking for messages before sending one to Jack.

Superfan39526:

Hey, at baggage claim now.

JackOLeen:

Awesome!

Look for the waving sign.

You didn’t.

Dylan looked up, his quick scan of the area instantly revealing a large sign with large black letters. Welcome to America, mail ordered groom! It said.

Dylan sighed. “They did.”

Superfan39526:

Mail ordered groom? Really?

JackOLeen:

I wanted to put mail ordered bride but Thomas stopped me.

Now get over here already.

Dylan laughed and walked over to his friends. Jack and her teasing smirk were the first to see him. She held up one end of the sign, her slim figure starkly contrasting with the large man next to her. Thomas held the other sign up, noticing Dylan only moments after Jack. He smiled, white teeth flashing out from under umber skin.

“Good to see you made it,” he said in his characteristically deep voice.

“It was a journey, that’s for sure,” Dylan said. “And did you really not protest the mail ordered groom nonsense?”

“She strongarmed me into accepting, I swear,” Thomas said.

“I did no such thing,” Jack said. She smiled up at Dylan, bright blue eyes crinkling with joy at the end. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Dylan answered, a smile on his own face.

“I’ll have you know it only took a single fun-sized chocolate bar for Tom to agree to my nonsense,” Jack said as she lowered the sign.

“A single fun-sized chocolate bar and the gas for the trip here,” Thomas said. “Don’t you try to sell me short.”

She rolled her eyes as she rolled up the sign. “You were going to pay for the gas anyway you moron.”

Dylan laughed. “So, what’s the plan? I can check into my room anytime before midnight tonight, which gives us some leeway on our journey.”

“Then we have to take him to O’Malley’s,” Thomas said.

“You’re just saying that because you want their wings,” Jack said. “I say we take him somewhere good for his first time here.”

“Leaving a good first impression is important,” Dylan said.

Jack motioned to Dylan. “See?”

“O’Malley’s is good,” Thomas argued, though his heart wasn’t in it.

“You only say that because they’re the only place that offers twenty wings for twenty bucks,” Jack said. She looked to Dylan. “Trust me, Tom here cares more about how much food he gets per order than how good it is.”

“Then where do you recommend, Ms. Snobby?” Thomas asked as they all started to move toward’s his car.

“Easy. Triple Twisted,” Jack answered.

“That’s the name of a restaurant?” Dylan asked.

“You want to take him to a fusion restaurant first?” Thomas shook his head. “I thought you had more sense than that.”

Jack lightly punched Thomas in the arm. “The last time all of us went you swore up and down it was the best ravioli you’d ever had.”

“Only because it tasted like a taco,” Thomas argued.

“I could go for that,” Dylan said. “It sounds like a good time.”

“See! I told you he’d like it,” Jack said.

“Only because you’re the one offering it,” Thomas rebutted.

That got Jack to stop for a moment. She looked over to Dylan, who only gave her his best smile. She smiled back, her pixie cut waving a bit in the outside air.

“Alright, you win,” Thomas said. “As long as you’re fine with Shizuka coming along.”

“I don’t mind,” Dylan said. “Do we have to pick her up?”

“Her place is along the way,” Thomas said. He pulled out his phone and quickly typed out a text. The answer came back almost immediately. He chuckled. “She’s in.”

“As if she would miss a chance to hang with you,” Jack said to Thomas.

“Touche,” Thomas answered.

The three made their way over to a rather nice SUV. Thomas popped the trunk with his key while Dylan rolled his luggage over. Jack sidled up next to him.

“So, you ready for a week of fun?” she asked.

“I was actually thinking I’d stay in the hotel the whole time,” Dylan joked. “See the sights from my hotel window and all.”

“Dork,” she said, pushing him playfully. “But really. I’ve got a whole laundry list of stuff I want to show you, but I partly want to keep it a surprise. But I don’t know if you’re a fan of surprises or not.”

“I think I’m fine with surprises as long as they’re coming from you,” Dylan said.

“Haha, okay cool,” Jack answered. “And you better let me know if you’re uncomfortable or anything, got it? This is for us to have fun. Which means no suffering in silence.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Dylan answered.

She smiled. “Good. Then our first stop is Triple Twisted.”

Jack jumped into the car, Dylan following behind to sit next to her.

“I see how it is,” Thomas said as he sat in the driver’s seat.

“Quiet, driver,” Jack said imperiously. “We are trying to enjoy ourselves. Take us along, now.”

“Please,” Dylan added.

Jack snorted. “Way to ruin the moment. You were supposed to act like a rich asshole with me.”

“I do enough of that as Dr. Zlo, don’t you think?” Dylan asked.

“Alright, maybe,” Jack said.

Thomas pulled up to an apartment complex a few minutes later. A tall Asian woman sitting on the curb immediately jumped up and waved.

“There’s Shizuka,” Thomas said.

“Her real name’s Carol,” Jack filled in.

“Tomcat, hi!” Shizuka, or Carol, said as she jumped into the front passenger seat. “Super glad you invited me on this double date!”

“Hey Carol,” Thomas said lightly. “Meet Dylan in the flesh.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dylan said.

“You too, Mr. The Zlo,” Carol said.

“Oh so the nickname thing isn’t just your character’s thing,” Dylan said.

“Nope,” Carol answered. “Been doing it since high school. But enough about me. Tell us about yourself Dill Pickle.”

“You are not calling him that,” Jack said. “I veto it.”

“And in doing so you’ve forever cemented his nickname as Dill Pickle,” Carol said.

“For about five minutes,” Thomas said. “Then she’ll get bored and think of something else.”

“I’m offended, Tomcat,” Carol said. “I’ve been using the nickname I thought up for you for years!”

“There are always exceptions to rules,” Thomas answered.

“They’re always like this outside of the game,” Jack whispered. “Everyone knows they should be dating but neither of them have made a move.”

“I see,” Dylan whispered back.

“Telling each other secrets already?” Carol asked.

“Only the bad things about you,” Jack answered.

“Jack! How could you! You know my fragile ego can’t take it,” Carol said with all the exaggeration in the world.

“You wouldn’t believe it,” Jack said, ignoring her friend. “But Carol actually works in finance. She’s an absolute wizard with numbers and spreadsheets.”

“No talking about work,” Carol said. “After work hours are officially brain off hours.” She looked at Dylan pointedly. “Understood?”

“Got it,” Dylan chuckled.

The car pulled into the parking lot of Triple Twisted. From the name, Dylan had expected a more gaudy place. But instead the restaurant looked more like the local mom and pop places he’d passed by on his commute. It certainly looked popular though.

“We might have a bit of a wait,” Jack said as she saw the crowd.

“That’s alright,” Dylan said. “Gives us more time to talk.”

“Yeah,” Carol said. “And more time for us to get all of Dylan’s juicy secrets. Like his most embarrassing moments. Then we’ll hold them over his head when we need him to make us stuff.”

“I already make you stuff,” Dylan countered.

“More stuff. Different stuff,” Carol answered.

“Come on,” Thomas chuckled. “Let’s see how long the wait is.” He looked at Jack. “You two want to hang out while we wait in line?”

“Sure,” Jack said. “That alright with you?”

“Of course,” Dylan answered.

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