Vaudevillain

Apollo stood from his lounging position on the couch. “I hope the journey wasn’t too unpleasant?”

“Well, no,” Cass answered.

“Cass, we do not make small talk with our foes,” Dr. Zlo chided.

“But boss, it would be impolite,” Cass said dutifully.

Dr. Zlo gave his butler a look.

“Right,” Cass said. “Villains. I’m sorry, boss. I don’t know what came over me.”

“No doubt some nefarious plot from the so-called god in front of us!” Dr. Zlo exclaimed. He pointed his cane at his foe. “Admit it!”

Apollo laughed. “Very good! Yes, once you entered, the rules of hospitality went into effect. Though it seems to have little effect on you.”

Dr. Zlo scoffed. “Your paltry magics have no effect on me! I am Dr. Zlo!”

The villain looked affronted. That was twice now this god had dismissed him! “You dare slight me? Me!”

“Were you there at the beginning of time?” Apollo asked, stepping forward. The sanctum shuddered. “When the first of the gods created the world? Were you there when life came together as a silent thing? I drew the first melodic sounds from the world, forged them into rhythms and beats. It was I who founded the very music of life. So, no. No matter what you have accomplished, it would still be insignificant in my eyes.”

“I blew up the very moon, you arrogant buffoon!” Dr. Zlo shouted. “Do not think for a second that your bragging is something impressive.”

Cass tapped Dr. Zlo’s shoulder. “Uh, boss?”

Dr. Zlo pushed his butler away. “Not now, Cass.” He stepped toward Apollo. “I am the foremost criminal mastermind! The brains behind every world shaking operation! I have personally defeated the foremost heroes in pitched combat and come out unscathed!”

“Boss!” Cass shouted.

“Cass, I am trying to be intimidating!” Dr. Zlo shouted.

He turned, spotting the army of nymphs now standing around them in a circle. They held crude instruments, large and good for bludgeoning. Nothing close to the delicate harps from earlier.

“I was trying to tell you, boss,” Cass said.

Dr. Zlo turned to Apollo, who held his hands out in a helpless gesture. “Insulting the host is a breach of hospitality. You brought this on yourself.”

The villain raised an eyebrow, then started to cackle. The cackling turned into a deep maniacal laugh. Dr. Zlo took to the skies, rocketing up in moments with a spinning flourish.

“Yes, this is more like it! Enough words! I shall prove my prowess in combat!”

The villain flourished his cane, unleashing a wave of fire at the surrounding enemies. Some of the nymphs screamed at the sight and retreated. Others rolled their eyes at the sight and stepped forward. The fire hissed against their skin like water on a hot pan, steam arising. Apollo grabbed a lute from one of his nearby entourage and strummed it. The flames heading his way stopped and started swaying from side to side like snakes.

Apollo pointed his lute at Dr. Zlo and played a quick tune. The fire turned, animated by the music, and rushed at the villain. A fiery maw opened, attempting to eat the villain whole. Dr. Zlo simply flew to the side, avoiding the strike while sending a new and improved laser toward Apollo.

The rest of Dr. Zlo’s team went to work on the surrounding minions. Mabel made her pleading case toward the nearby nymphs, her powers convincing them to lay down arms in exchange for tea party. It was a shame that Quartet crashed the party with a terrible rendition of Putting on the Ritz. The nymphs recoiled in pain as the minion, split into four, sent a crashing cacophony their way.

Cass’s arm went to work on the other side, the nanomachine appendage forming a tray-like shield to block incoming attacks from the nymphs. His other hand procured a series of alcoholic grenades, specially made to instantly inebriate those who inhale it. Even those used to the alcohol of gods fell blackout drunk to the cloud of intoxicants.

The only one who moved through the clouds safely was Hodge Podge, the mechanical man unable to get drunk. Unlike his companions, the man’s work on the nymphs was positively macabre. His fingers elongated into knives that quickly and efficiently snipped arms, legs, and anything else that caught his fancy. Surprisingly, none of the cut appendages bled.

“Not to worry!” Hodge Podge said to any nymphs that lost something. “I am certain that reattaching your donated limb-slash-other will be no issue. Once I am done studying the anatomy you can have it back!”

This did not make those who lost a limb feel better.

Ms. Tama stood back, watching everything with the air of someone above it all. Though she did make a few quips here and there. Mostly comments about the lovely carnage and how it reminded her of her wedding day with her deceased husband.

One of the nymphs attempted to pull the villainess into the fray, but all that amounted to was another use of Ms. Tama’s power on nearby broken instruments, the still burning fire, and a skull she had in her inventory ‘for safekeeping.’ A fiery violinist emerged from the mix, instantly screeching a fiery tune that would make the devil himself jealous.

Apollo intercepted the incoming laser from Dr. Zlo with a strum from his lute and a tap of his foot. The two powers met, clashed, and then went on their merry way, albeit in completely different directions. Soundwaves struck the roof of the building while the laser buried itself into the ground.

“Alright, the gloves are coming off!” Dr. Zlo said. He threw his dueling gloves on the ground. The white handwear picked itself up and dusted itself off before taking a stance at Apollo.

“Oh? If it’s a duel you want, then a duel you shall have,” Apollo said. He flicked a hand at a set of drums in the corner. The instruments came to life, rolling around as if cracking their knuckles. They moved to sit in front of the gloves. The drumsticks beat against the drum in challenge.

The two animated objects clashed as their owners turned to each other once more. Apollo sent a wave of sound at Dr. Zlo, forming it into a tornado that sucked the nearby area inside. Dr. Zlo blasted it with his laser, frowning when the beam curved with the tornado and spun inside of it.

“Your powers are decidedly unfair,” he quipped. “Sound should not be allowed to do that.”

“As the god of music, sound is what I decide,” Apollo said. “For example.”

The villain opened his mouth to retort, only for his words to come up empty. He was speaking, but the sound wasn’t coming out.

Angry, Dr. Zlo stamped a foot in the air, which had the unfortunate effect of spinning him to the side. Luckily, the move had him avoiding an incoming club from a nearby nymph, who saw their chance and tried to take it. Dr. Zlo pointed his cane in anger and burned it with a blast of flame.

He turned back to Apollo, only to narrowly dodge the incoming tornado by blasting up toward the ceiling. The god looked up at him with a smirk.

Dr. Zlo tried to quip back, but again the sound failed him. So instead he grabbed one of the new and improved button bombs and threw it at his foe. Apollo sent a wave of sound to push it back, but the bombs were made to detonate on impact. A shimmering blue field expanded as the sound smashed against the invention, forming a bubble that expanded across almost the whole fight. Gods and villains below slowed to a crawl as the bomb enveloped them.

Dr. Zlo laughed with all the maniacal laughter he could muster despite no sound coming out. He flew around the field, firing off lasers toward Apollo. Unfortunately, anything that entered the field slowed but that only gave the villain another plan. He continued to fire the power draining laser into the field at Apollo, slowly surrounding him in blasts of incoming fire. Surely one or two would strike the god, and from there it would only be a matter of time.

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