Vaudevillain

“You may think you’re winning!” Dr. Zlo shouted at M’emph’is Flash. “But you should know that I have barely begun to start! For you see! I have crafted an invention so fearsome, so vile, that even I hesitate to use it on others! However, I shall make an exception in your case!”

Dr. Zlo cackled as he grabbed the invention out of his inventory. “Behold! My Exsanguinator 6000! With a single press of this button, you shall find yourself suddenly devoid of bodily fluids as my vampiric device ends your life where you stand!”

M’emph’is Flash gasped in shock. “How brutal.”

“How exciting!” Ms. Tama said. “To think you had such a scintillating device with you this entire time!”

“Yes! My genius knows no limit!” Dr. Zlo cackled.

His thumb moved down, pressing the button on the device even as his foe strummed his guitar in contention.

“Farewell, hero!” Dr. Zlo laughed.

A boom of lighting echoed behind him. Thunderous, evil music started to play from the box in Dr. Zlo’s hands.

“Oh, how maudlin,” Ms. Tama said. “I adore it. A macabre funeral song before he is finished.”

In the villain’s hands rested the Dramatizer, Dr. Zlo’s titular stylistic invention.

“This isn’t my Exsanguinator!” Dr. Zlo shouted. “Who messed with my inventions!”

Dr. Zlo glared over at the crowd of Jacques, who, as one, decided to look away, refusing to acknowledge their leader’s look. The sound of a Timpani drum echoed through the area, underlying Dr. Zlo’s pointed look.

“I will deal with you later,” Dr. Zlo said to his minions. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about your recent mutinies! Cheering for the hero? Have you no shame?”

The Jacques had the gall to somehow look more chastised.

“Now, you can’t blame a fella for enjoying a little music,” M’emph’is Flash said. “Me, I’m a fan of soul music.”

Dr. Zlo looked over the at the hero. “As for me, I have a penchant for death metal!”

With those words, the villain flicked his cane, sending another wave of fire down. He followed it up with a blast from the laser on his monocle as he started prepping a disintegration spell. The attack would empty his magical reserves until they recharged, but Dylan figured it was the only thing Dr. Zlo would try after everything else had failed.

The attacks flew from the villain in quick succession, prompting an instant answer from his foe. The hero stomped his foot and strummed his guitar, bringing forth another blanket of sound.

However, this time the Dramatizer intervened.

A loud, dun dun dun! Sounded as the attacks flew out. The tune competed with M’emph’is Flash’s soulful rocking blues, clashing with the incoming soundwave before the other attacks hit. Dylan heard a twang and the sound of a stray cat yowling before he saw holes appearing in the incoming blanket. Some of the fire pushed past as the Dramatizer and M’emph’is Flash’s music collided.

The hero danced out of the way, a look of deep concentration now on his face. Dr. Zlo laughed as his attack pierced through the veil of sound and raced toward the hero. “What’s wrong? Is my villainous cacophony too much for someone with your musical inclination?”

M’emph’is Flash could only grunt as the laser came his way, bolstered by a electronic buzz from the Dramatizer. Again the two sounds clashed, making holes in the hero’s ability. The laser shot through, clipping the rhinestones on the hero’s costume.

Dr. Zlo cackled, thunder cracking behind him as he fired more lasers. The Dramatizer worked itself into a frenzy, adding more sound effects and a dark orchestral ensemble. More holes appeared in the hero’s sound barriers, the lasers finding their way through to strike the alien impersonator. The hero recoiled in pain, his glittering suit cracking under the impact.

“Haha!” Dr. Zlo laughed in triumph. “It seems that even a gimmick invention is enough for someone of my caliber!”

The Dramatizer echoed the laugh.

Ms. Tama crooned on the sidelines. “Ah, is there nothing better than the sounds of violence?”

“The sound of victory!” Dr. Zlo cackled. He unleashed his disintegration beam, firing it toward his foe. The Dramatizer followed with a creeping violin screech. M’emph’is Flash dove out of the way, but not before the blow connected with his guitar.

There was a horrible twang as every one of the guitar strings snapped off the instrument. The guitar rested in the hero’s hands for a moment before trickling to the ground as nothing more than dust.

“No!” the hero exclaimed.

“Yes!” Dr. Zlo laughed. “Without your instrument, you are nothing!”

“You don’t understand!” the alien shouted. “The guitar was meant to control the power of the strings. Without it, the raw musical energy will—grah!”

The strings moved and wrapped around M’emp’is Flash in a low hum that quickly grew to deafening proportions. A pure bubble of sound formed around the hero, somehow blocking Dr. Zlo’s vision as the strings transformed the hero.

The hum soon dropped back to normal levels, returning sound to the world. A new being stepped out of the sound, the hero from before nowhere to be seen.

“Ah, it has been too long since I had a body,” the being said. Their voice carried across the store parking lot.

Dr. Zlo scowled. “Don’t think that a costume change is going to save you, hero!”

The being looked up with a raised eyebrow. “A mortal dares to speak to me?”

Dr. Zlo thrust his cane forward accusingly. “You dare to think I am some paltry—“

The being waved his hand, suddenly cutting off Dr. Zlo’s voice. The villain recoiled in shock.

You have been cursed with silence by the god Apollo! Your voice will make no sound for the duration of the curse!

A timer appeared in the corner of Dylan’s vision, counting down from five minutes.

“Much better,” the being said. “Your voice was far too grating.”

He stepped toward the villain. “I am Apollo, god of music. And while your voice is a vile, atonal thing, I still must thank you for freeing me from my prison. For too long I was held by that bufoon and his guitar. Now, I can bring true music back to the world.”

The god of music stepped upward as if a set of invisible stairs appeared before him. He climbed to Dr. Zlo’s position, giving the villain a once over before moving on.

“Do not worry,” the hero said. “Your previous condition will return in a few minutes.”

Dr. Zlo fired a laser at the god as he walked away, the blow striking the god’s back. The being looked over at Dr. Zlo.

“You should know that your paltry inventions will do nothing to my immortal body,” Apollo said. “So I shall forgive the slight of attacking your betters.”

Dr. Zlo’s eyes widened in shock at the insult. This so-called god dared to assume he was better than Dr. Zlo?! The villain had never heard such nonsense.

However, before the villain could do anything in response, Apollo leaped, moving past the clouds in the sky toward an increasingly growing sunspot that soon turned into a palace. Dr. Zlo attempted to follow, only for him to smack into an invisible wall that sent him barreling into the ground. The villain skipped across the concrete, landing coincidentally next to his Zlomobile.

Ms. Tama walked over. “Dr. Zlo, are you hurt? Tell me if you are so I can admire the wound.”

Dr. Zlo stood, dusting himself off before turning to speak. No sound came out. Angrily, the villain stomped the ground and thrust a finger up at the sunspot in the sky. He brought the finger down and ran it across his neck before turning to Ms. Tama.

“Ah, I do so love a game of charades,” the woman answered. “Especially ones involving death. Am I right in that we are to spite this Apollo?”

Dr. Zlo nodded.

Ms. Tama beamed. “Oh good. I’ve always wondered if a god could bleed.”

Dr. Zlo jumped into the Zlomobile, motioning for his companion to join. She did so, and the two made their way back to Skyline.

Along the way, Dr. Zlo’s voice came back.

“Finally,” Dylan said. “I can’t believe that just happened.”

“What? The alien Elvis or the god Apollo trapped in his guitar strings?” Jack asked.

“Both,” Dylan said. “If you had asked me earlier what I expected when robbing this store, I would have said your generic super strength hero. Who would even come up with that as a hero?”

Jack opened her mouth but Dylan continued.

“I mean, I know heroes come in all shapes and sizes, so I really shouldn’t be surprised by something like that. I guess I’m just used to the generic ones,” he said. “That hero felt like one of those three or four issue comic runs that sit unknown until some other comic artist uses them for a team up event.”

“I, personally, loved it,” Jack said. “It was the kind of wacky that I expect from Dr. Zlo’s escapades. Next time I want a bigger part.”

“For sure,” Dylan said. “And I think we’ve got the perfect thing.”

“Apollo?” Jack asked.

Dylan nodded. “That and Dr. Zlo needs some more upgrades. I resort to button bombs and the laser way too often. I mean, I didn’t even use my dueling gloves, or my top hat. I knew they wouldn’t have worked against M’emph’is Flash’s sound powers anyway.”

“We should totally combine powers,” Jack said. “You can make some crazy gadgets and I’ll frankenstein them together.”

“After I improve my current arsenal for sure,” Dylan said. “We’ll need something that can either seal or kill Apollo anyway.”

“Actually, did his appearance prompt a quest of any kind for you?” Jack asked. “Because I saw nothing.”

Dylan shook his head. “Nada. It’ll probably appear when we meet him again.”

They pulled into the garage of Dr. Zlo’s mansion. “And we’re totally meeting him again.”

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