Chapter 912: TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED
LUO YAN held Shen Ji Yun tightly. He would have done it sooner but he didn't want to disturb the other from telling his story. He could see just how much courage it took for Shen Ji Yun to tell that part of his past to him. He didn't want to trample on that courage by randomly interrupting the other.
It must have quite hard for Shen Ji Yun to think back about that past. And yet, he still chose to open up to him. Showing that he truly wanted to share that part of his life to Luo Yan.
He could see just how much pain Shen Ji Yun was in while narrating those events. The pain and sadness radiating from him was so visceral that Luo Yan felt like he was also drowning in it. What more could it be for the person involved himself?
Luo Yan couldn't even bear to imagine just how painful it must have been for the other. Although he also lost his parents in a young age, he didn't lose them in that way. Where he witnessed their demise right before his eyes.
When his parents died then, before he could even grieved for them, he had to worry about his own survival first. Because the first orphanage he had been in was literally like a jungle. It's like survival for the fittest there. He had to mature quite fast if he didn't want to end up at the bottom of the ladder. So, by the time he was finally able to grieve for his parents, he was already at the point where he had already accepted their death.
But it was different for Shen Ji Yun. He probably didn't have anything that could distract him from all that suffering, so he could only wallow in it. This event had no doubt traumatized him and maybe even shaped the person that he was today.
Luo Yan then felt a pair of strong arms hugging his waist. It caused their bodies to be even much closer. And so, the other shaking body finally became apparent to him. He hugged Shen Ji Yun tighter and gently patted his back.
He did not say anything, just silently comforted the other. He didn't know how many minutes had passed with them in that position, all his focus was on Shen Ji Yun. He wanted to comfort him as best as he could. And right now, this hug was the only way he could do it.
After a while, Shen Ji Yun raised his head and looked at him. His expression that was filled with dark clouds was now starting to clear up. Like sunlight peaking through rain clouds.
"Thank you, for listening and just for being here with me," Shen Ji Yun said.
Luo Yan smiled cupped the other's face. He leaned down and gave a quick peck to his lips. "You don't need to say thanks. I'm the one who asked you about it. If anything, I should be apologizing for letting you remember something so painful and sad."
Shen Ji Yun shook his head. "No. I- I always wish that I could tell someone about it. You know, someone who will just listen. That's why I'm very thankful that you can be that person." He held Luo Yan's hand that was on his cheek and kiss the other's palm. "Thank you for being here."
He and his uncle had never talked about it. His uncle tried to at first. But Shen Ji Yun just closed off himself like a clam with a tight lid. After that, the other never tried to breach that topic again. And even though Bai Ze was his closest friend, he never tried to open up to him about this part of his past.
It's not that he was uncomfortable with them, it's just, he couldn't bring himself to think about that event. Which he had to if he had to talk about it. He didn't want to appear vulnerable in front of them. Because he didn't want for them to look at him with sympathy.
But somehow, Luo Yan was different. Even though there was still discomfort, he still wanted to talk about it to the other. He definitely didn't mind appearing vulnerable in front of him. Probably because he knew the other wouldn't look at him with pity.
And as expected, Luo Yan truly didn't. All Shen Ji Yun could see in the other's eyes was love. Pure and unmitigated love.
Just by seeing that, the heaviness he felt as he recounted the details of that event slowly disappeared. The only emotion that was left in him was his love for the other. He now realized just how wonderful it was to love and to be loved.
He pulled Luo Yan and let him sat on his lap. Then, he put his chin on the other's shoulder. How nice it would be if they were in reality. Then he could smell Luo Yan's amazing scent just by putting his head at the crook of the other's neck.
Shen Ji Yun closed his eyes and then decided to continue telling the other of his past.
"As you have probably already guessed, my Dad died in that incident. It was only later that I found out what happened that led us to that situation. Apparently, as we were on our way to our hotel, a man high on drugs accosted us. Dad quickly gave me to my mother and he tried to reason out with the man while protecting my mother and I. And you already know what happened next."
He paused. Because what happened after his father died was something that was equally as painful.
"My mother couldn't accept my Dad's death. It... broke her. It might be the guilt or the sadness or the grief, or combination of everything. But she wasn't able to function normally after that. She couldn't even recognize me, her own son. By the time my uncle took me in, she had already became a shadow of her former self."
And when Shen Ji Yun left, it was also the last time he was able to call her 'Mom'.
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