Second Try Idol

Boom!

As the fireworks went off in succession, the audience's cheers reached their peak. It was the end of the performance, and the atmosphere was electric while the Chronos members continued their dance. The audience members were visibly excited as well.

Kang Joo-Han noticed that Lee Jin-Sung, who was in front of him, suddenly stopped moving. Even from the back, his discomfort and bewilderment were palpable. Shortly after, Kang Joo-Han realized that Suh Hyun-Woo, who had been standing next to Lee Jin-Sung, had disappeared.

“...Hyun-Woo?” The name slipped out unconsciously from Kang Joo-Han’s lips, and the audience's cheers soon turned into screams.

‘What’s happening?’

Kang Joo-Han found himself frozen too. The music kept playing, but no one was singing along. All the members were just staring at Lee Jin-Sung, who had sat down, until Goh Yoo-Joon quickly rushed to kneel beside him. Someone hidden from view was suddenly lying on the stage. It was then that Kang Joo-Han fully understood what was going on. Suh Hyun-Woo had collapsed.

The music finally stopped, and the staff carried Suh Hyun-Woo offstage. Goh Yoo-Joon and Lee Jin-Sung followed the staff, while Kang Joo-Han remained behind, looking in the direction Suh Hyun-Woo had been taken to for a long time.

Finally, he composed himself with the help of Park Yoon-Chan’s comforting hand on his back, apologized to the audience, and left the stage. Among the audience, there were Rings crying over Suh Hyun-Woo fainting.

“Hyung... Joo-Han hyung, are you okay?”

“Okay... He shouldn’t be severely hurt. He will be okay.”

Kang Joo-Han was still unsettled. Park Yoon-Chan tried to soothe him while hastening his pace. Since all the members who had spent much more time with Suh Hyun-Woo were in a state of panic, Park Yoon-Chan was trying to keep a clear head despite also being very worried. Because the incident occurred right after the fireworks, there was a possibility that Suh Hyun-Woo had been severely injured.

“Joo-Han.”

When Kang Joo-Han and Park Yoon-Chan returned to the waiting room, Suh Hyun-Woo had already been taken to the hospital. After dealing with the aftermath, Lee Su-Hwan led the members out of the venue with a stern expression.

“I was worried he might have been hurt by the fireworks, but they said that wasn’t the case. There were no external injuries, and the cause of his fainting is still unknown. Let’s go see him.”

Nobody replied. Everyone was just staring out the window with serious expressions. The road manager had gone with Suh Hyun-Woo and Goh Yoo-Joon. Park Yoon-Chan was secretly sobbing, Lee Jin-Sung was openly crying, and Kang Joo-Han was silent...

The fear that gripped their hearts wouldn’t subside until Suh Hyun-Woo woke up.

***

When I closed my eyes, my past self appeared like a silhouette in the dark. I used to wake up trembling with shock, but today, I just let the tears flow through my closed eyes instead of waking up. I reached out to touch my face and was relieved to not feel any burn marks. Only then did I let out a sigh of relief.

“...”

‘When will this stop haunting me? Will you let me go after tormenting me?’

Even though I tried to start anew, the now supposedly non-existent past clung to me relentlessly. It had been a while since I regained consciousness. However, I didn’t open my eyes as I feared the sight of the hospital ceiling would be too much to bear. My past was the reason I ruined the performance and had to leave the stage disgracefully. Despite all my efforts, I was the one who messed it all up.

“Ah... This is so frustrating... Really frustrating.”

I voiced my irritation several times through tears and eventually lay down to cry. Why couldn’t I bear what had happened? I wish that version of me would completely disappear from my mind.

I despised my past self so much. Despite not wanting to leave even a trace of the fierce battles I had fought, I ultimately hadn’t changed at all. The feeling of emptiness from continually being ensnared by the past regardless of my efforts to move forward… The sense of self-loathing from the realization that I might never be able to shake it off made my heart constrict over and over again.

***

“It sounds like he’s crying,” Goh Yoo-Joon said. “What should we do? I don’t think we should go in, hyung.”

“...”

Kang Joo-Han remained silent. He simply turned on his phone while sitting outside the hospital room.

“Let’s just sit and wait. Don’t keep walking in and out of his room.”

Finally, Goh Yoo-Joon slumped down next to Kang Joo-Han with a sigh. “When have I ever done that?”

Park Yoon-Chan and Lee Jin-Sung had been emotionally overwhelmed by Suh Hyun-Woo's continuous crying, so they had returned to the accommodation with Lee Su-Hwan. This left only the road manager, Kang Joo-Han, and Goh Yoo-Joon at the hospital. The road manager frequently stepped out to handle the influx of calls, effectively leaving Kang Joo-Han and Goh Yoo-Joon as the constant guardians of the hospital room.

“Ah... the articles are already out," Kang Joo-Han said weakly as he scrolled through his phone. He knew that articles about Again After Rainfall and Chronos would emerge, given their popularity in Korea. However, he hadn't expected them to appear so quickly.

The reports speculated about the incident being a fireworks accident. They mentioned that, despite warnings not to film, fancams of the incident were circulating. When the members and the agency learned about the circulating fancams, they were furious and questioned why anyone would upload them. The company even released follow-up articles in response.

“It wasn't a fireworks accident, though."

“But it did look like one. I saw the footage Su-Hwan hyung was monitoring. Right after the fireworks went off, the video shook drastically and then went dark. But since he collapsed in convulsions immediately after the fireworks, it probably looked like a fireworks accident, whether seen through a fancam or in person."

What was slightly unsettling was that just before collapsing, Suh Hyun-Woo had stopped moving for a brief moment and looked up at the ceiling lights. After the fireworks went off, he was shaking and covering his ears.

“Yoo-Joon, did Hyun-Woo always hate spending time in hot temperatures?"

“No, not really. He never liked summer, though... Hmm." Goh Yoo-Joon paused to think, then continued. “It seemed like he didn't like being directly under the lights. I didn't think it was anything serious, but anyway..."

“Directly under the lights?"

“Yeah, he was like that during album jacket photo shoots or music video shoots. I've seen him complain to the staff that the lights made the stage too hot. But it just went into the behind-the-scenes footage like he was making a big deal out of nothing."

It was something Suh Hyun-Woo tried not to show, so it was unlikely the members had noticed. However, once something was noticed, looking back at past actions could reveal new insights. While Kang Joo-Han was searching for the video on his phone, Goh Yoo-Joon looked anxiously between the hospital room door and his fellow band member before standing up.

“I'm going to get in and see Suh Hyun-Woo first."

“Okay."

After Goh Yoo-Joon entered the room, Kang Joo-Han spent a long time rewinding and watching the behind-the-scenes footage from the "Parade" music video shoot.

'If only we could understand what the problem is.'

Suh Hyun-Woo didn't need to talk about it if he didn't want to. But as a member and a colleague, Kang Joo-Han felt it was necessary to know what was troubling him.

***

“Hey, you should have said something when you woke up.”

“You knew I was up, didn't you? You came in as if you were waiting."

“Dude, waiting until you stopped crying was tough."

Goh Yoo-Joon didn't particularly show that he was worried about me. He joked around and laughed as usual, but without his usual energy.

“How did the stage go? Was it completely ruined? Or did you finish it after I was taken away?"

“It wrapped up somehow. There were some articles, though. I didn't realize we were that famous."

Of course there would be articles. When I turned on my phone and searched for Chronos on a portal site, countless articles popped up. They were all about how I had an accident with fireworks during the shooting, and some even included screenshots from a fancam uploaded rudely by someone.

I was disgusted, so I closed the browser page and opened BlueBird only to find that the entire real-time trend was plastered with keywords related to me.

[Fireworks Accident]

[Fainting]

[Shaman Idol]

[#How_Many_Dots_Can_You_Hold_Your_Breath_For]

[Seizure Collapse]

[Looking at the Lights]

[Miraculous Idol]

“What's with 'Shaman Idol?’"

There were some keywords I didn’t understand. I got curious and clicked on one of them. There was a strange speculation circulating about how I was standing still before the accident in the fancam and looking at the lights, as if I had some sixth sense and knew something I wasn’t supposed to know. A little bit of searching showed that the story had spread far and wide, making Rings worry and causing a commotion.

I laughed it off as these were nonsense, but Goh Yoo-Joon looked at me expressionlessly and sighed deeply. “This didn’t happen because you got hurt by the fireworks, right? You aren’t afraid of hearing loud bangs or anything, are you?"

“I don't think so. I was shocked, but it wasn't like that during the music shows."

“Why did you collapse? Because of the heat from the lights?"

I nodded. “It was already hot and chaotic, and then the fireworks went off. I guess I just lost it then. It's nothing serious.”

That was really the case. Even though fireworks were often set off during music shows when we were candidates for first place, I was fine back then. I believed the lights were the biggest issue.

“I didn't realize, but I might be a bit sensitive to the heat from the lights."

“I remembered something while talking with Joo-Han hyung earlier. Weren’t you like that before? Oh, right. And your parents called your phone earlier—"

“Then you should have mentioned it beforehand."

As I tried to pass the incident off lightly, Joo-Han and Su-Hwan entered the room with the same very serious expressions. This made the atmosphere feel more oppressive.

“You should have mentioned it earlier, huh?”

“Ouch!”

It seemed Joo-Han didn’t mind hitting a sick patient. His firm palm struck my back.

“If you had told us in advance, we could have done exactly that. Hyun-Woo, trying to endure this by yourself could have ended badly. Why don't you take care of yourself? You have always been like this! Huh? Huh? Huh?!"

“Aaagh! I'm sorry..."

Su-Hwan's tone had become quite harsh. “I told you that you can't do this job for too long if you abuse your body like this. Didn't I say that when you hurt your back?"

Goh Yoo-Joon was the only sane person trying to stop them by saying they shouldn't hit a patient. “Ah, hyung! Enough, Su-Hwan hyung, that's enough. He's a patient!"

“It's okay. I saw a young patient with a cast on one leg getting hit by their mom for causing trouble on my way here."

“Why are people like this?"

“I didn't know this would happen to me, okay?" I tried to defend myself by saying I didn't know I would be affected by the lights like that. However, the guilt for making them worry me was weighing down on me. For the next hour, I had to listen to Joo-Han and Su-Hwan's constant nagging.

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