Second Try Idol

‘What can I say to the members if I want them to understand?’

The biggest problem was not being able to objectively judge where the line of what was permissible lay. I had experienced too much, but my story seemed unbelievable. Moreover, I was not eloquent enough to make it comprehensible.

Above all, our conversation was being recorded by cameras. In this situation where more was forbidden than allowed, the only thing I could rely on was the belief that Goh Yoo-Joon would understand even if I didn’t voice my thoughts out loud.

'Why worry about such things by yourself? It's okay, it's okay. I sort of figured it out already.'

As I imagined Goh Yoo-Joon responding with his usual breezy laughter...

“I'm sorry for dropping out of nowhere. Your mom asked me to check on you. You weren't answering her calls, so she was worried."

“At least answer the phone. If not for your parents, then for mine....No, sorry, I will leave. It seems like I am no help to you."

I was reminded of the twenty-three-year-old Goh Yoo-Joon, who had been cautious even to meet me as he was unsure how to treat me after my life had seemingly crumbled. Perhaps he would have understood my situation as a friend back then.

However, rekindling a friendship with someone that I had drifted apart from at some point and exposing even a part of my pain was not easy. The dark and serious Goh Yoo-Joon of that time wasn’t like that in this timeline. Instead, he had been replaced by a twenty-year-old who laughed as if there was nothing to worry about in the world…

“It's fine. They don't just serve alcohol."

“Then I will have tacos. What about you?"

“Same for me."

Goh Yoo-Joon ordered the same dish, but a different variation of it. Neither of us were really here to eat, so we opted for something simple. After placing our orders, we pretended to look around the shop and paused our conversation. It wasn't that we had nothing to talk about. We were just biding our time, figuring out who should start and when.

Just as we were dragging out the silence, Goh Yoo-Joon casually broke it as if nothing was amiss. “Hey, are you feeling alright?"

“Huh? Oh."

He was referring to the incident at the airport.

I nodded. “I'm fine. Were you worried?" I asked teasingly as I expected him to deny it as usual, but he surprisingly just smiled quietly.

“Hey, what's up with you? You are not seriously hurt or anything, right?" Goh Yoo-Joon reached out and turned off the camera. “The camera is getting in the way and making it hard to talk freely. Let's have a comfortable chat now. We can turn it back on when the food arrives."

“Hey, are you upset?"

“No, it's just that it reminded me of the fight with Joo-Han hyung. Ugh."

So what? I shrugged it off lightly and said, “It’s nothing, but...”

“..."

“I didn't know this about myself... But I'm scared of crowds."

“...Isn't it more like a fear of flying?"

“Umm, it's both," I said half-jokingly.

It was ridiculous to think that I was afraid of flying and crowds but still wanted to be a singer. For Goh Yoo-Joon, who had been with me through thick and thin, this surely seemed utterly out of the blue.

Just as expected, Goh Yoo-Joon looked puzzled, but he didn't seem too shocked. It looked as if he had somewhat anticipated it. “All of a sudden? Since when? I had no idea. Was there something that triggered it?"

“Nothing specific. But I never had to face so many people's scrutiny before debuting, right? Well, I just want you to be aware of that. Still, I will get used to it eventually, I guess."

“Sure, you will get used to it. But..."

I tried to wrap this discussion up quickly, but Goh Yoo-Joon still looked doubtful. Right, I didn't expect him to understand everything right away since I'd mentioned it without any buildup. Since I couldn't explain the details, I just shared what I was feeling.

Goh Yoo-Joon looked like he wanted to ask more, but then nodded reluctantly after seeing my troubled expression. “Well, okay. It can suddenly happen, they say. But that's a problem. Are you okay now? What about medication?"

He seemed not to want to probe further. Ah, Goh Yoo-Joon had been quick on the uptake this time.

I shared more about my symptoms, like being particularly sensitive to the stares of Koreans, feeling scared, and so on. The reason I mentioned this to a member was so that they wouldn't worry like they did at the airport if it happened again.

“Anyway, sorry for the trouble, but please bear with me a bit. I will try to get it sorted soon."

Goh Yoo-Joon frowned, incredulous. “It's fine. Which member would find that bothersome? Stop talking nonsense. Well, I get it.”

‘...That’s it?’

There had to have been parts of what I said that did not make sense, like some gaps in the conversation. Especially since we had always been so close, it would be even more difficult to accept this, wouldn’t it?

“I won't ask about this anymore. I am turning the camera back on."

Goh Yoo-Joon seemed to have relieved some of his frustration as he wrapped up the conversation and reached for the camera. It appeared he just accepted and came to terms with things that didn't logically make sense. For something I dramatically stated could be a huge inconvenience to the members, the weight I felt lifted off my shoulders in an instant for not knowing where to start, how to explain, or how to make them understand had been resolved.

As soon as I nodded, the camera light turned back on. Goh Yoo-Joon made an excuse, saying that he fumbled with the angle and accidentally turned the camera off. He shifted the topic and continued the conversation from before. The discussion mostly revolved around today's performance, impressions of the US, and some TMI about the members.

***

“I will play you the song I made. It wasn't created with your voices in mind, so it might need some tweaking. Let me know if you have any thoughts."

Callia's room was fully equipped for music production with gear that wouldn't even be found in YMM's studio. They were all expensive and heavy equipment that was surprisingly stationed right in her lodging. Kang Joo-Han couldn't help but laugh weakly at the sheer scale of it all.

‘What's the use of scale if she doesn’t have a decent personality?'

There was no need to manage expressions with no cameras rolling around them. His weak laugh was laden with sarcasm, but Callia seemed oblivious to it.

Her original song flowed through the high-quality speakers. Kang Joo-Han closed his eyes and listened to the song in its entirety. She truly was a genius. The composition alone was enough to shatter one's self-esteem, making one wonder, 'How can these notes, this rhythm, be used in such a way?'

“What do you think?" Callia asked.

Joo-Han slowly opened his eyes with a deadpan expression. He dropped his honest impression. “It's good."

“...That's it?"

Was that all? Just that one statement? No further commentary, praise, feedback, or eagerness to perform the song?

Joo-Han looked at Callia and nodded. “The song's good."

“Good is a given, right?...So, you’re not really eager about the song, huh?" she asked him.

Callia's sneer was met with Joo-Han's typical indifference. “It's not really Chronos' style."

“That's why I called you here. To adapt it to your style."

"Haha, what am I to say? This part might get better if you change a bit." Joo-Han pulled the mouse toward him and significantly, or rather slightly, altered a part of Callia's song.

Callia's eyes widened as she jumped out of her chair. “Who said you could change it?"

“It's not even saved yet, so what's the big deal? You wanted my opinion, right?"

“I said to give your opinion, not to change it at will. What are you doing?"

“It's not saved, so..." Joo-Han cut off Callia's protest by playing the song. Callia was about to scold Joo-Han, but stopped mid-sentence as the song played. Being mad was one thing, but once the song played, she had no choice but to listen.

After listening to Joo-Han's unauthorized modification, Callia begrudgingly admitted, “...It's not bad."

“See? Whether to save it or not is up to you, Callia."

“It's my first time saving something someone else edited. You are quite talented."

Callia saved the track and then re-modified some parts Joo-Han had changed. She played back the changed section.

“I want Yoo-Joon to sing this part. It will still sound good with these changes."

Kang Joo-Han maintained his tired expression, but listened to the song. His eyebrows subtly twitched. 'Damn.' She had made a frustratingly good adjustment. Unfortunately, their musical tastes aligned quite well.

He suppressed his admiration and casually remarked, "It's good, right?"

“Right? What do you think? Should we go with this?"

“...What do you mean?" Joo-Han asked nonchalantly.

Callia's face hardened. “Are we going with this or not?"

Kang Joo-Han shook his head as if he was confused. “It's not our style, remember? We are fine with not getting this song."

Callia's face turned sour with irritation. “What's wrong with you? You know I am offering you a song. Do you have a problem with me?"

Joo-Han sighed deeply and retorted, full of disbelief, “You still haven't apologized to us."

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