RE: BLOOD AND IRON

Some days were easier than others… Coping with what he had done, the mistakes he had made, even when he had such overwhelming knowledge of the past, present, and future. It was a heavy burden, one whose weight sought to crush Bruno’s very will.

But the past could not be undone, sure there was an opportunity that he had completely neglected, perhaps because he was so sure of his foresight, and knowledge of how the future would play out, but to wallow on it, and to continue to suffer in silent misery? That was not an option.

Erich’s death had been a heavy blow, one briefly suppressed by the need to finish the war with France. Only now, re manifesting in subtle ways that only those closest to Bruno would truly comprehend.

For starters, his appetite seemed to have shifted. A man once known for happily eating every scrap of food on the plate which was served to him, especially if the meal just so happened to be cooked by his beloved wife, and not the kitchen staff that day, had begun to pick at his food throughout meals, eating at best a fourth of what remained.

Then there was the lack of drinking… While Bruno had largely resolved his excessive alcoholic intake, aside from a few small moments of either celebration or lament, he had always enjoyed a liter of beer with his dinner.

Yet for the life of him, he could not be compelled to even pour himself a glass. No, something was wrong… And naturally his wife detected this immediately. At first, she tried to give him space to figure out and process whatever was bothering him.

But as the weeks passed, and their eldest son’s wedding quickly approached, she realized perhaps an intervention on her part was needed. Because of this, Bruno suddenly found himself confronted by Heidi during a random encounter within their large, palace like estate.

She was sitting in his office, waiting for him. Something she had never done before. And she was seated in his chair no less. It was important to note that Bruno never allowed anyone into his private fortress of solitude without expressing permission. This extended to his villa’s staff, as well as his wife.

But today the woman had invited herself into the hidden abode, and sat directly in Bruno’s spot, waiting for his eventual arrival. Only she knew how long she had been sitting there, passing the time god knows how.

In the end, Bruno was too tired to lecture the woman on her violation of the boundaries he had set years in the past, nor did he care that she had stolen his personal seat, a violation of his territorial nature. And that was what drove Heidi over the edge, instantly sighing, and shaking her head before expressing her true thoughts aloud.

“When a hound refuses to eat, it becomes a matter to worry over, but when he refuses to put up the slightest resistance to the invasion of his territory? That’s when you know something is seriously wrong…. What has happened? Is it the war?”

Bruno did not immediately speak, instead sitting down in one of the two chairs that lie before his desk always there for the potential visit of guests into his home. It was as if he were a stranger in his own home office.

Nevertheless, Heidi waited patiently. Some things needed to be though through thoroughly before speaking. Or perhaps needed time to fully build the courage to face. In the end Bruno just spoke, no sigh, no indication of any prior expression, just cold and chilling words reflecting his current perceived reality.

“It’s not the war that haunts me, or what I did within it… Hell it’s not even the things I did outside of its scope here in the fatherland… No… The specter which disturbs my peace is what I didn’t do, but could have done…

The potential future that blinded me because I was so assured of what I was already doing, and it being the only path to follow…. Erich’s dead because I couldn’t see an opportunity for him to escape.

It wasn’t just me… He also didn’t realize that there was a potential where everything went down as it did, except he was still capable of living, and thriving in an environment far from the Reich, where he could do what he was meant to do, and not be a risk to those few loved ones he still held in his heart.

For years I had planned the Kaiser’s recent proclamation of decolonization and how we would use it as a practical means of permanently trapping Africa within our sphere of influence, reaping all of its benefits while disposing of all the risk.

And yet for the life of me, I couldn’t see that this was Erich’s destiny. Or one potential destiny, one where he could still live, as a mercenary warlord, maintaining security operations for the Reich within our former colonies, while extracting wealth from the new and independent states in exchange for his services.

A cutthroat leader who could install coups and maintain total deniability for the Reich, while never being a risk to the fatherland. Had I simply faked his death and sent him to Africa to be the leader of this new mercenary outfit I am forming under a new identity, he would have never needed to die…

I couldn’t see it…. No matter how many times I thought it through… I couldn’t see such an obvious path… Not until it was too late…. And that is what haunts me… From the day I was first born into this world, I have been ten steps ahead of my enemies. Everything has played perfectly in my own hands.

My will has forged a new timeline, and yet… It is also my will that killed Erich… Because I simply couldn’t see a viable option, a world that aligned with my ideals where in the end he was still alive. Even though the answer was so easy to comprehend, and was staring right in front of me the entire time…”

Heidi had naturally known the truth about Erich’s death since the moment it happened… And she had been there for Bruno when he was the executioner. Helping him overcome his grief. She was never angry with him for what he had done, as she too knew it was necessary.

But to hear Bruno’s current thoughts, and the overwhelming burden of responsibility, guilt, grief, and self doubt. It was enough to force her to tears as she stood up from her chair, walked around the desk, and got on her knees. Holding Bruno’s hand and forcing it to her cheek. Letting him know there was still some warmth in this world even as it became increasingly cold from his own perspective.

The two of them sat there in silence for some time, as neither of them really knew what to say.

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