I Became the Academy’s Kibitz Villain

The method to subdue ability users was to deplete all of their magic power.

Theoretically, ability users could also be killed with bullets.

Since mana protected the body upon contact with bullets, you just needed to pour a barrage of rounds until that mana was completely drained.

If an enemy had 65,535 health and you deal only 1 damage per turn, then theoretically, attacking for 65,535 turns would eventually kill them.

Of course, natural regeneration occurred as it was a form of health. If the natural recovery exceeded and outpaced the damage taken, they wouldn’t die.

However.

One thing was certain: every hit consumed mana.

Especially in a situation like this, where the target had lost consciousness, the mana depleted even faster.

When conscious, one could offset attacks with just 1 unit of mana per hit, but in an unconscious state, the body instinctively used all available mana to protect itself against external threats.

Desmond swung the seven-iron bat until his entire body was drenched in sweat.

Despite being American, his impressive swinging skills were reminiscent of the pompous CEOs in Korean movies.

Of course, the human punching bag taking all those hits didn’t bleed a drop.

Not a single bruise or bloodstain was visible on their body.

The only thing spilling was the juice of a smashed hallabong orange on their head.

However, though invisible to the eye, this human punching bag—Grand Canyon—was leaking mana like a sieve.

I made it that way.

‘Instincts can’t control how mana is used to protect the body. It’s purely reactionary, burning mana reflexively.’

Long-range sniping.

Point-blank shooting.

Hallabong attack.

Mana-infused kicks.

All my attacks carried magic power, and even the long-range sniping caused a minor concussion.

Grand Canyon’s body instinctively recognized the attacks.

The moment they lost consciousness, their body began interpreting all external shocks as my attacks, fully activating its protective mechanisms.

In other words:

If we considered the power of my attacks as 100, then Grand Canyon’s instincts was depleting 100 mana to shield against them:

Even Desmond’s relatively weak attacks, wielding a seven-iron with a combat power of only 5, caused Grand Canyon to expend 100 mana for protection per swing.

[Stop. That’s enough. Have you vented your anger?]

“Haah, haha… Forget the fact that he’s an S-class ability user—hoo—it’s such a relief to vent my anger, even if it’s against a maniac trying to kill people.”

[A commendable mindset.]

“…But, uh, this won’t, like, turn him into a demon or something, will it?”

Perhaps adrenaline clouded his judgment earlier, but now that his arms were tired and his breathing steadied, he seemed to grow worried.

“You didn’t, like, record a video of this or anything, right? Oh, no. I’d rather what happened here stay in our memories only. If he finds out later that I beat him like this…”

[He’d be too embarrassed and might become a demon from sheer humiliation.]

Anyone could turn into a demon.

If the world learned that an unconscious S-class ability user was hilariously beaten with a seven-iron by a non-ability user, they might never show their face again—or become a demon out of shame.

[There’s no footage. No CCTV either.]

“What if someone filmed this to blackmail him later…?”

[We have plenty of ways to exert pressure without such methods, and we’re not petty enough to jeopardize an ally of the organization.]

“Th-that’s good to hear. Phew…”

Now reassured that his actions would remain an untraceable crime (?), Desmond finally relaxed and smiled.

“If you ever come to America, look me up. I’ll give you the grandest hospitality, Goblin.”

[Good. Then let’s wrap this up.]

I transformed the seven-iron-shaped Goblin Bat into a lightweight pistol and imbued it with some mana, firing continuous shots at Grand Canyon’s head.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

The sound resembled BB pellets striking a stainless steel bucket.

Though there were no visible wounds, Grand Canyon’s mana depleted rapidly, and by the seventh bullet, no more flames emerged from their body.

“…Did you drain just enough mana to avoid killing him?”

[Yes. Now, the rest is up to…]

As I stepped away from Grand Canyon, I turned my gaze to Chaos.

[Concrete him.]

“…What?”

[Korean mafia-style immobilization.]

“Ah. Got it. I’m about to witness something new today.”

Vrrrrr.

The sand on the ground where Grand Canyon collapsed began to stir.

Sand serpents, buried beneath the earth, awakened and hoisted Grand Canyon into the air.

How to describe it—almost as if…

“Tentacles—”

[Ahem.]

“…like living snakes.”

The giant sand anacondas held Grand Canyon aloft, coiling tightly around his body.

Gradually, they twisted him into an awkward position as they hardened.

[Usually, you’d put someone in a drum, pour in cement, and toss them into the sea, but since we’re not killing him and sending him to Busan instead, this will suffice.]

To break free from Chaos’s sandy imprisonment, one would need more mana than Chaos had infused into the structure.

Unless external interference occurs, the restraint will remain until the captive regains enough magic power to escape.

[Hey.]

In an instant, Chaos created a 3-meter-tall sand pillar and restrained Grand Canyon within it, then called out to me.

[What is it?]

[Can I go with the Jeju Island concept?]

Whispering.

Chaos leaned in and quietly shared their idea, and I shuddered at the thought.

[Perfect restraint.]

It was an ideal demonstration of what happens to trespassers sneaking into Tamna-guk (old Jeju).

[Proceed.]

Crrrrk.

As the sand snakes gradually shifted into a new form, completely encapsulating Grand Canyon, we left the scene with Desmond.

Wheee-oooooo!!

Vehicles with flashing red sirens roared down the roads, heading straight for their destination.

Both the drivers and passengers were ability users.

Zooming down Jeju’s coastal roads at a blistering 150 km/h, Hero Association agents stared intently ahead, hoping to arrive as soon as possible.

Screeeeech!

As soon as the cars braked sharply on the roadside, the agents leaped out, vaulting over guardrails and diving off the cliff.

Even though the cliff was several meters high, they descended with ease as if running down a mountain path, landing lightly on the sandy beach below.

“My god…”

“Is that… Could it really be Grand Canyon?”

And then, they saw it.

A 3-meter-tall pillar.

At its center, a man restrained in a bizarre position, unconscious, encased in a massive basalt column with a circumference of at least 2 meters.

“This is insane. Who could do this to an S-class ability user…?”

“Was it ‘Sculptor’? No, no, he’s only a B-class. Something this intricate… Pu-ha!”

One of the agents with a serious expression couldn’t hold back their laughter.

“Hey. Hold it in. If he wakes up and hears you laughing at him, he could use it as an excuse to pick a fight.”

“B-but… How can you not laugh looking at that… Pfft…!”

“Think sad thoughts. Sad thoughts. That’ll help… Haah.”

Though laughter almost spread among the agents, they managed to regain composure, professional as they were.

“Whoever did this has a truly twisted sense of humor.”

Above the pillar.

On top of Grand Canyon’s slumped head.

“A Dolharubang, seriously.”

Perched atop was a kindly faced stone Dolharubang (a traditional Jeju stone statue).

With its flat hands pressed against Grand Canyon’s chest, the statue smiled serenely.

The Dolharubang was firmly gripping Grand Canyon. Even if he regained consciousness, the only part of his body he’d be able to move would be his lower half, struggling pitifully.

“Armored Taejo will be nervous. First, someone makes a cage out of steel, now someone restrains a person with a Dolharubang.”

“Senior, what should we do? If he wakes up, he’ll definitely make a scene.”

“…We have to wake him. Contact HQ and request a ship capable of transporting a 3-meter Dolharubang to Busan. Wait, no, that won’t do.”

The agent swallowed hard, staring at the engraving on the back of the Dolharubang.

“…Request a container ship.”

“Why, sir?”

“Number one.”

There, engraved in relief, was the number “001.”

The man in the pillar, the first of his kind.

“…Thus, the Association has determined that an unidentified ability user subdued the S-class intruder who illegally entered Jeju. A thorough investigation of the awakened S-class individual will be conducted…”

As we drove off in a pre-arranged rental car with Desmond in the back, we listened to the unfolding situation on public radio news.

“Goblin? There’s something I’d like to ask.”

[What is it? Is your seat uncomfortable?]

“No, no. Perfectly comfortable.”

[Then, is it my driving that’s making you uneasy?]

“N-not at all! It’s just… If people hear that the organization subdued Grand Canyon, won’t they think the organization is after Phoenix’s Feather?”

[That’s likely.]

Just as Desmond feared, the dark web was already buzzing. Chaos was being shortlisted as one of the top candidates responsible for turning Grand Canyon into Grand Dolharubang.

Eventually, as more speculation arises, people would conclude: “Only Chaos from the organization could restrain an S-class ability user with a Dolharubang!”

“They’ll think it’s about eliminating rivals…”

[That’s precisely the point. I actually want people to believe the organization is interested in Phoenix’s Feather. Ah, speaking of which, I haven’t told you yet.]

I was planning to announce it spontaneously at the scene, but for the sake of this old man’s heart, I decided to spoil the surprise.

[The organization will participate in the auction. Directly.]

“…No way.”

Desmond turned pale.

“You’re going to manipulate the auction prices…?”

[Manipulate? The item’s owner is Desmond Faygreen, and the organization simply wants to buy Phoenix’s Feather.]

It’s a straightforward application of capitalism.

[It’s absolutely not about driving up the price. And besides…]

This kind of thing happened all the time.

[Hiring someone to stir up bids and raise prices—that’s practically business as usual in the capitalist market, isn’t it?]

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