Dual Cultivation God Returns

Wu Long saw the question in her crimson eyes even before she had the chance to utter it.

‘It took shorter than I expected’, he thought, as he initially assumed it would take a far longer time for her to overcome the barrier between the world of assassins she lived in before and the one she was now entering.

She appeared before him a few streets away from the inn, before he had the chance to get distracted, so it was likely not something she could wait on.

He nodded, to her, adding “Come with me”

Wu Long’s figure disappeared into a cloud of black smoke as he turned on the spot and stepped, and Hong Yue followed right after.

The two traveled to the Harbor District, arriving on a roof of one of the buildings as the binary sunset was to their side.

“How are you doing it?”, she asked, knowing that he understood what she meant.

“It’s not about doing, really. There is no trick”, Wu Long shook his head, “I had a reason to end each of those lives. It does not matter if that reason is justified or correct in the eyes of others, it just means that I had a reason to do it which was valid in my eyes, thus I did”

As he was explaining her eyes were intently looking at him.

“But I have to be honest and admit that any of them could have those who care about them, and who they cared for, and not deny it or try to fool myself into thinking that I was justified. In the end, it is about owning your decisions instead of explaining them away. After all, as I said before, I never claimed to be a good man”

He spoke calmly, as she finally understood, he was able to handle it because he took ownership and responsibility of his actions.

But what about her?

As soon as that thought flashed in her eyes, it was as if he read it, “For you it is different. None of those were your decisions. Sure, you used your mind to figure out the way to do it, where to sneak, how to catch the right moment, but in that you were only performing a function. In that sense, you were a dagger, and a dagger has no feelings or opinions, it doesn’t have reasons, only purpose, it cannot make decisions, thus a dagger cannot be responsible. The ones who held the dagger were the Elders of the Bahshi Assassins who raised you”

“But…”

“You did not deceive yourself into thinking empathy did not exist, because you did not know of its existence, you did not explain away your actions so that you do not have to bear their weight, because you never perceived that weight to exist. You did not have that knowledge or emotions. It does not mean that what you did in the past does not matter or did not happen. But you cannot take full responsibility for it because your decision was not in it. Now that you know, however, you are in charge, and every decision from now on is yours. As for those memories, you will have to gradually learn to live with them while knowing what you know now. It will take time, but as long as you know what was your role, you will learn to understand”, he added as he saw her conflicted gaze.

Her mind stirred, as she thought about his words, recognizing the truth in them, and yet finding it hard to process on another level. A level her mind did not truly access until now, or rather, was incapable of accessing.

Once she let herself admit the existence of empathy, that other people could feel the same love, warmth and happiness for another as she could for her sister, she could not stop the ever-expanding feeling of emotions swelling within her, something she never really had to deal with, and thus was confused by.

There were only a handful of moments that she felt them in, and even then there was a rationalization that shielded her from truly experiencing them. Even at the time Hong Ye was about to be sacrificed for the ritual of the Bahshi Assassins, she was able to circumvent emotions with strategic thinking of what she had to do at that moment.

But now, there was no emergency. There was only her and her emotions that finally found a weak spot and were gushing through, breaking down that wall faster and faster, overwhelming her.

Until now, it was despair and panic, as well as crushing guilt. All of it kept her in an agitated, stunned state. But now, as he was taking away those feelings, she felt something else come into its place as her chest started heaving, and her breathing intensified, her eyes felt warm and a slight stinging sensation appeared in their corners.

“…”, she opened her mouth to say something but no voice came out, as a first tear became full and started rolling down her cheek, falling to her lower-face silver mask.

She shuddered, not completely realizing what was happening, she felt small, cold and weak for the first time, perhaps in her entire conscious life.

Hong Yue desperately tried to regain control, but it was futile. Once the floodgates were open, nothing could stop what poured out. Especially since she never really experienced it.

More and more tears began flowing as she began wiping them away with shock at seeing them. Her chest felt tight, and what came out as she tried to speak up again was a sorrowful sob, a sound she never heard herself make.

She then saw him come closer to her, perceiving everything only vaguely, as if in a dream. She flinched, as she felt his arms gently wrap around her.

“I am going to just lend you a shoulder. Think of it as using my help to go through it”, she heard his voice over her head as the feeling of strange comfort from his embrace somehow made her feel better.

She tried to protest, but what came out were more sobs, and at the same time, as she felt comforted by this hug, a feeling of relief came that started only intensifying her tears.

“You don’t have to hold it in, Fairy Hong Ye. No, you have to let it out. Only then you can have a fresh start”, he spoke in a soft, gentle tone as she finally stopped trying to leave his arms and clung to him, her tears pouring out in full and her crying voice began coming out of her chest.

—

It was already night, and the moon was going up on the other side of the skies.

Wu Long was still holding Hong Yue in his embrace, gently patting her back.

Her sobs mostly stopped, as her mind began slowly clearing up.

“Thank you, Daoist Wu”, she spoke in a hoarse voice she did not recognize, as his hands finally let her go.

She suddenly felt a sense of loss as those sensations warmth and comfort were fading away. It surprised her, as she slightly shook her head to get rid of those sudden thoughts, and opening her red and swollen from tears eyes, looked at him.

“You are welcome, Fairy Hong Yue, I am glad I was able to help”, he said with a smile as she noticed that for some time he was not calling her Prime Demon Hong Yue but as Fairy Hong Yue, which for some reason felt symbolic.

She felt strange. It was a mysterious feeling. Before, she was wary of him, then curious, now, she did not know what to think. She didn’t know how she felt about him. What she knew for certain, is that his embrace was incredibly soothing and made her feel safe. At the very least, the distance she always put between them shrunk, and while in the past she felt a need to physically stay at a distance from him, now she felt comfortable standing just a small step away from him.

“…I don’t know if I will be able to continue… I’ll become useless”, she said after a long pause, as suddenly a fear gripped her. She realized that she was not certain if she could ever do it now.

“You won’t have to if you do not want to. It is your choice. For me, having a reason I find valid is enough to carry the responsibility, for you it might not”, he nodded, turning his gaze toward the Harbor District, “See, this is the dilemma. Even if you decided to live morally and justly, it is not guaranteed other people decide so as well. And those people might come for something you hold dear. As I said before, I do not have to describe the harsh realities of the world to you, you know it better than most people at your age”

At that time, a new realization appeared in her eyes, as she seemed to have been too overwhelmed by her comprehension of empathy to see clearly, to see that while what he taught her about emotions was true, it did not erase what she already knew about the world before that.

“Like I told you before, we cannot settle down for a narrow view of the world, be it the ‘harsh world, morals are for children and naive people, bla bla bla’, or the ‘world is full of rainbows and no one is going to try to kill me’, we have to view the whole picture, the beautiful and ugly all together”, he said, his eyes seemingly following something in the streets.

She nodded, understanding what he was saying, and as she traced his line of sight, her eyes widened, since a certain nobleman and his bodyguard were walking along with a group of men in cloaks.

“Now, this is perfect timing to demonstrate to you what I find as a good reason to take a life, so you could judge for yourself”, Wu Long said to her as she finally realized why he took her out here to talk.

She first thought he just picked a relatively empty place, away from the inn with his beauties and any passers by, but it seemed that he was also aiming to show her that even with all those things he talked about, there were times where he would not hesitate to eliminate someone.

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