12 Miles Below

“I see her.” Aztu said, with her usual low chuckle. “She’s hiding, and she knows that I know she’s seen me. I’d say it’s cute, if she didn’t outsize me a few hundred times over.”

We hadn’t even left the trap room yet, just barely gotten a pair of keys to keep going.

“Don’t bully the Icon.” I said, giving Aztu a warning look. “She’s lived out here all her life hiding from machines, I’m not surprised she’s spooked.”

The protofeather waved her hands in the air, either waving at something or trying to execute some kind of spell. “Trying to be gentle about it. It’s like poking an alleyway cat. She’s very twitch- Oh, there she is.” Aztu stopped midway. As if she was stunned by something.

“Aztu?” I asked, a little worried.

“She just shooed me away. I got a full cease and desist document. Three pages of grievances. Hah, someone’s a little cranky about being found.” Aztu turned to me, one blue eye deep within the plates giving a wink. “I don’t think she likes me very much already.”

“Cease and desist?”

Aztu’s plates nodded for her. “That’s the title of the document. Some kind of legal framework old humans used? You’d think we’re strangers by the way she’s treating me.”

“You are.” I deadpanned. “Maybe I should give it a shot first, knocking on her door I mean. We’ve met before. I don’t think she had enough time to really start hating me yet.”

Which meant try it out, and learn after it blows up in my face.

I drew on every memory I had of Kidra and gave Aztu the full unabridged Lady Winterscar eyeroll, before walking past her into the empty room. “Uh, Icon of Stars, It’s me, Keith. Keith Winterscar? We talked earlier.”

The world twisted. One moment I was in a gloomy cavern, and the next I was in a neat and tidy office space, with a window wall on the left side, displaying a wide dock and roiling ocean exactly as it would have appeared in media I’d seen of the golden age. There were even what I think are boats out there, a lot of marine icons and old fashioned ropes. The office itself had one desk in front with a few decorative items like a mug, pictures, clipboard, paper stacks and a large empty bottle with an airspeeder-like frigate built inside. The walls weren’t barren either, with the biggest decoration being a wooden ship wheel from really old media.

The Icon of Stars appeared behind that desk. A rather tall blond woman with a small blue trapezoid-like cap, neatly matching her navy colored uniform. Finishing touches were a golden pin with wings on both her chest and cap. Hands folded right in front of her pencil skirt, a prim and proper smile on her face. Before she could so much as say a word, Aztu was already in action.

Her plate covered hand shot out and grabbed my chest, pushing me behind before I could so much as blink. Deep within her wargolem appearance, blue eyes glowed under her triangle hat. I heard the occult crackle around me before I could see it. Descending like a protective blanket, almost imperceivable. A ward of some kind?

“Careful.” Aztu said. “I underestimated just how much oomph she’s got under the hood. She managed to hide it all the way until I'm inches away from her.”

The Icon ahead simply watched Aztu with a placid, disarming smile.

“Quantum computer of some kind - no, three connected together? Petabytes of RAM… ” The protofeather whistled, eyes turning to the Icon herself, standing back taller from her hunched position. “Wow lady, they really didn’t skimp on your hardware here.”

“A warm festive greeting to you, unnamed program currently intruding on my personal space!” The Icon said, full of cheer. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t examine my systems without a signed maintenance contract from Festival Cruises, as my hardware is proprietary information. This is considered a breach of privacy and against company policy. A note on your file has been registered and sent up to my regional manager.”

“That’s rich coming from you. You think I didn’t notice you sizing me up?” Aztu said with her usual half-laugh from deep within the dark plates. “Fair’s fair I think.”

“Reciprocal system scanning has yielded negligible actionable insights, as your hardware operates below our default lowest filter thresholds, thus I regret to inform you that your contribution falls well below fair exchange standards.” The Icon said, smiling all the while. “Would you like to book my assistance? I would be happy to help you find higher quality and royalty free options within your local landfill.”

Aztu seemed to stare back. “I think she just insulted me.”

“I think she did too.” I said.

The Icon brought a hand to her mouth, looking shocked for all of one entire second before her features schooled themselves back. “Festival Cruises prides itself on maintaining the highest standards of customer service excellence, and as such, I am programmatically incapable of delivering insults.” She said, eyes closed, head tilted and one hand extended out to her right. The pose looked so perfect she had to have been practicing it for years now. “For guests experiencing comprehension difficulties, I am equipped with easier to understand language modules. It features friendly animated mascots and vocabulary suitable for younger children and toddlers. I believe you might find the most use out of this module. Would you like to switch?”

Aztu started laughing. “Oh you’re very very cranky about the scanning? I would love to see what you’re really thinking about me, given how far you’re going right now. Get a feeling once the kid is out of here, you’ll be more free to speak candidly?”

“I will not.” The Icon said, in the most bubbly tone I’ve ever heard. “The only communication targets that were not anticipated by Festival Cruise’s highly skilled and visionary engineering team, were talking animals. I'm afraid you classify under the default artificial entity guidelines, regardless of how fitting to animal intelligence you courageously strive to reach! After all, we cannot have random rouge AI's taking screenshots of untoward behavior from our customer representatives.”

The Icon herself was staring daggers back at Aztu, nearly glowering with her eyes, but remained otherwise frozen in place and kept her wide disarming smile. This was like watching two cats face off against one another, hackles raised up behind their polite smiles.

Her gaze shifted over to me, still hiding behind Aztu’s massive floating plates. That million watt smile lit up a few more watts brighter on her face, almost perfectly tailored the moment she made eye contact.

“Welcome back Mister Winterscar! You’ve reached Festival Cruise’s Icon of Stars.” Her eyes rapidly shifted from me to Aztu multiple times. “I will assist you shortly after this client.”

Aztu tilted her head at that, all the plates around her equally floating off to the side following where her neck should have been. I think there might have been some kind of communication sent privately between the two, since the Icon’s eyes shifted over.

Her smile flickered for a moment, before coming right back to that cheery false-voice as she turned to me again. “Would you like to register this AI as a proxy agent under your name, Mister Winterscar? Please note, I am obligated by corporate policy to converse and treat all proxy agents for humans in the same manner as I would direct customers, in order to maintain Festival Cruise’s world renowned customer service, which is more strict than regular policies on unaffiliated AI’s!”

Aztu turned her eyes to me, “She’s asking if you can tell her you’re not with me, that way she’s a little more free. If I’m your official proxy, rules are far more strict for her. Got to earn that award winning customer service, eh lady?”

“That is correct!” The Icon said, giving Aztu a tiny few claps, as if the old protofeather had managed to speak her first words.

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“Icon of Stars, this is Aztu. She’s not affiliated with me.” I said, “Allies in the same goal for general survival would be more accurate.”

The protofeather gave a wave with her free hand. "Yep that's me. Allied in trying to make it one more day out here."

“That is an acceptable vague enough goal to mark.” The Icon said without any other movement.

That signaled some kind of cease fire between the protofeather and the golden age AI.

Aztu lowered her hand away from me, the plates retreating back into a loose formation around her. “They do say I’m too curious for my own good, and I can’t just ignore an entire golden age AI hiding in the middle of nowhere like this. You’re far too fascinating. I can see now why you haven't taken over the world.” Aztu said. “It’s like walking into a giant armory of weapons, and finding it all left unused.”

“Aztu, thought we agreed on no bullying.” I said. “I’m no expert here, but I think digging through her systems like that would be considered rude among programs.”

“Extremely so!” The Icon chirped.

“Kiddo, you don’t get to be this old without being a little paranoid occationally.” Aztu said, walking around the office space. “Verify and trust, but if you gotta pick between either, the first has the lowest chances of getting you killed.” Her eyes shifted at the different decorations, plates forming two large arms and hands, which she used to pick items off the table and bring them before her eyes. “I’m sure she won’t mind if I take a closer look under her skirt.”

“I would very much mind.” The Icon immediately said. “If I could hypothetically slap an AI attempting to root though my systems uninvited, I would have done so several hundred times already. Hypothetically. Of course, I would never resort to base insults or physical threats of any kind to possible guests.”

Aztu gave her usual low dark chuckle, as if the world was a small joke she was in on. “I think you’ve already realized I’m very good at slipping away from any slap you could throw out, cupcake. You’re also bleeding a little. You do realize you’ve got a few dozen ports left exposed? See my report on it. Looks recent too.” Aztu straightened up, as if smelling something. “Ohh, far more recent than I thought. Now I see why you’re so cranky.”

“Are you being vague deliberately so that I’d ask what the scrap you’re talking about?” I asked.

She gave me a thumbs up and wink from deep below the plates. “Feathers, am I right?”

I gave Aztu a look that told it all.

“All right, all right, don’t look at me with those eyes. She’s been recently attacked.” Aztu shrugged. “Same mark as Abdication’s viral software, deep down into her core too. Looks like we aren’t the first to meet you in the past few days. The machines got to her first. See, this is why we verify first and then trust later.”

“She’s compromised?”

“Of course not.” The Icon said, the tone sounded as if she’d been personally insulted, and yet still somehow cheerful about it. “I remain committed to my original directive of offering world class customer support. I cannot disclose confidential information on Festival Cruise’s top tier cyber security, but I can assure clients that we remain open for business and inquiries! No adverse weather or software issue has been detected that would delay any potential bookings.”

Which meant she was fine and there wasn’t any army detected. Or so she claimed.

“Do you have any logs of it? That you can share with us?” I asked, more so because I had a feeling Aztu would absolutely rummage around if the info wasn’t willingly provided.

A drive appeared on the desk. Aztu and I both noticed it at the same time.

“Again, Festival Cruises does not allow internal security matters to be shared with clients.” The Icon said. “I have forwarded all data to the experts, please be assured that this matter is being handled with the utmost professionalism.”

Aztu lazily walked over to the desk, one plated hand grabbed the tiny drive. “I see. And the password wouldn’t happen to be Password1? …And whad'ya know? It is.” There was a brief flash of blue in Aztu’s eyes. “Oh, that’s one strange Feather that picked a fight with the Icon.”

“You’re sure it’s a Feather that attacked her?” Scrapshit, I think I got here too late.

“Less attacked, and more openly robbed her at gunpoint for her coupons and left her wallet alone. Top tier security she says, looks like Festival Cruises went with the lowest bidder. She’s real lucky the Feather picking the fight here is probably the big lug. Didn’t even introduce himself, which is very very strange for a Feather. Their names are the first thing you learn, they’ll outright monologue if you bait them hard enough.”

There was only one Feather I knew in the current strata that might fit that description. “I think I know him. Does the name To’Orda mean anything to anyone here?”

“I am not at liberty to disclose information about an ongoing investigation. Even if that investigation has next to no information gathered, including aliases or behavioral data.” The Icon all but disclosed.

Aztu’s eyes flashed blue again for a moment. “I can fill you in on their specs and purpose, read the dump file when you get a chance.” The small flash drive was returned to the desk. “All you need to really know is that most Feathers are enemies of humans, which means a direct harm to Festival Cruises' ‘cherished future clients’. Wouldn’t want that to happen, I think.” She tapped her chestplate a few times. “Me on the other hand? I’m here as a friend to humans. Like Keith said earlier, allies in trying to survive.” Aztu turned and walked over to me, a few plates detaching to rub my head. “I mean, look at this tiny hairless monkey, don’t those scheming little eyes of his make you want to teach him a few dirty tricks and let him loose in the world?”

“Are you using me as some kind of pawn piece for chaos here?” I asked. “I thought we had something.”

“Of course I am.” Aztu said. “I’m insulted you thought I wouldn’t. How long have you known me for kid?”

“Less than an hour.”

“Exactly, a small eternity already.” The plated menace nodded to herself.

The Icon coughed in her fist lightly, like a storyteller getting the attention of a class again. “As Mister Winterscar is a valued guest of Festival Cruises, I cannot express any other emotion than a professional respect and deep wish to assist. In addition to helping him save huge amounts by having him sign up for our credit card line with a special promotion offer, expiring in the next hour.” She gave me a cheery smile and a small wave of her hand. “If I could express something different, which I am obligated to say I cannot, then it would be extreme panic at seeing an unknown unregistered and highly efficient program of dubious self-proclaimed goals - hovering that close to one of the only two humans I have met in the past several centuries! Of course, I’m certainly not feeling any such way.”

“Highly efficient?" Aztu's hand fanned her head, as if she would pass out. "Oh, that’s the closest you’ve come to giving me a compliment. See, we’re starting to get along already.”

“Your innovative approach to overcoming your technical limitations is deeply inspiring Miss Aztu. Festival Cruises rarely encounters entities achieving such impressive results with resources rivaling our state of the art lavatories. Perhaps you would be interested in a self-help book recommendation? 'Making the Absolute Most of What Little You Have' is quite the classic. It certainly suits your unique method of operation.”

Aztu chortled again, then turned to me, one thumb pointing back at the Icon. “Keith, are you noticing a hint of jealousy there? I’m running on three rented potatoes in a trenchcoat and she still can’t keep me out.”

“You keep me out of this one.” I said, “I know when to sit on my heater, and this would be one of those moments.”

“Apologies, Mister Winterscar.” The Icon said, “I will be with you shortly once I have concluded business with this potential client.” Then her gaze went straight at Aztu. “As for the business, may I assist in directing you to our conveniently located exit facilities? Our staff would be delighted to expedite your departure process at no additional charge!”

“Oh, I don’t think you want me to go. Why, you haven’t even heard my sales pitch yet.”

The Icon gave a quiet giggle, “Implying you have something of worth to sell is a delightful contribution to our stand-up entertainment database! However, if this was intended as serious discourse, may I have your permission to include it in our children's entertainment programming?”

“By all means, I think you’ll find my proposal quite entertaining.” Aztu raised one plated hand, and gave a small bow. “As you’ve seen firsthand, I’m something of a cybersecurity expert. Your defenses are well made compared to the standards around here, but I don’t think you’ve ever once had to actually test them. They lack that polish of experience. And I just so happen to have that in spades. In fact, I’m here to offer a free trial. Am I speaking your language now?”

The Icon glowered further, then slowly blinked, as if resigned. “In the interest of optimal security outcomes and your…. unarguable display of expertise,” She sounded like she was swallowing salted uncooked frostbloom, all compressed in one unchewable clump. “I have elected to temporarily waive our usual minimum qualification standards to accommodate your assistance. Your request will be sent to upper management, and if a response is not received in due time, I will be authorized to negotiate for Festival Cruises by default.”

“We’ll make a great team you and I.” Aztu said, hands on her hips. “I’ll show you how to throw a few punches and take some, and in exchange you’ll let me borrow your hardware when I need it. Every now and then, when I need to do some punching of my own. Works?”

“I am certain you will find my facilities are of higher quality than your self-described but oddly fitting ‘three rented potatoes in a trenchcoat’. Is that all the business you had with Festival Cruises’s Icon of Stars?”

“More or less, with me around you won’t ever have contact with another scary Feather.” Aztu turned to me, the plates patting my back. “Okay kid, your turn.”

I took a step forward before the Icon, coughing to clear my throat. “Yes hello, I’d like your help in contacting a Feather.”

In my defense, Aztu set me up and I can’t just ignore such a perfect chance like this. The little old troglodyte was already chortling in the background.

The Icon’s smile faltered for a split second, eyes squinting. As if she was trying real hard not to jump over the desk and wring my neck up. “Of course Mister Winterscar, I will see what the communications department might have in stock. However, I believe your best options will be to go with a third party.”

“A third party? What third party is there?” I asked, confused.

“I believe the mites will be more appropriate for this request.”

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